The seasons I walk through in my life generally seem to be defined pretty quickly, and the Lord makes it relatively clear about what He desires for me to experience and learn. Last season it was about me giving up control in my life and the Lord asking me if I trust Him. This season I feel in my heart to know my Savior as I’ve never known Him before.
I honestly walked into this new season struggling a lot with the idea of another eight months at CGA, and moving back to Georgia. As much as I love Adventures in Missions, I have to admit that it’s not always the high point in one’s life to examine all the nasty, broken pieces of your heart. It’s much easier to let them sit back and not focus on them and be comfortable, but that’s not what the Lord desires for me or for anyone. Everyday He wants me to walk in more freedom and truth, and sometimes that means going to places in my past or truths about my present self that don’t really feel too good.
It’s fair to say that I was pretty terrified and stressed about what God has planned for me for the next eight months. However, when I met all 25 new apprentices my heart started letting joy in and new understanding as to what this next season looks like for me. I allowed fear into my heart because I was tired of loving, I was tired of giving my heart away to amazing new friends, then having to leave them, and I was emotionally exhausted. When I met all my new friends God spoke truth into me: I’m created to give my heart away, I love to love people, I’m meant to share His heart in every season I arrive in and with everyone I meet.
This created the framework for what Jesus’ theme for my time in Georgia is going to look like. If I am going to love and give my heart away, I don’t want it to be of me. I want the love that people experience from me to be the love of Christ and the joy that He gives me. So I cried out to God, “I know you! I’ve known you my whole life, and the joy and goodness and redemption that you’ve brought to it. Yet, so much of my everyday life is just words that I speak about you, and I can speak with knowledge and fancy words to impress people but if I don’t genuinely know you, your heart, and everything that you are, then everything I do is a waste.”
This next season there is so much to rejoice about! There is so much to learn and I get to do it beside amazing people, and with leaders who are passionate! In this season I get to experience Jesus and all that He has to show me about His majesty, His beauty, and His humility!
I want to know you Jesus!!
