I love myself, and even more honest than that I love the imperfections about myself. I love that I’m loud and rowdy, that I sing at the top of my lungs, and that my hips don’t lie (#shakirastatus). I love the things the world calls me crazy about because I want to save women from trafficking or because I follow Jesus. I love the things the world tells me I shouldn’t be in order to be a real man–emotional, flamboyant personality, dancing, crying, watching the best of chick-flicks. I mean come on, let’s be real, ‘Brooklyn’, ‘A Walk To Remember’, and ‘About Time’ are some of the best movies out there. I’m a very confident person and walk in confidence because of who Christ has made me to be.
There has been a narrative spoken over my generation of Christians of what following the Lord looks like and having a personal relationship with Him. I realize this as I go about my day striving for approval from my heavenly Daddy. I skipped my Bible readings, Shame. I didn’t get up in the morning and spend time with Him, Shame. I didn’t journal cause I don’t like journaling, Shame. I forgot to pray before I went to sleep, Shame. I didn’t spend time in worship, Shame. This has created a priority list in my head for years that I couldn’t and still can’t live up to, and since I can’t complete all of these in one day, then surely I’m putting God on the back burner, and even more than that surely God must be ashamed of me. So one by one I put Jesus at a lower priority on my list.
I began to realize that the one thing I didn’t love about myself was the one imperfection I couldn’t be okay with, not being perfect.
As I explained in my latest blog, this season, Jesus is just asking me to know Him and to know Him better than I ever have, to strive to be like Him and adore all that He has to give me. So I walked in silence on my driveway and listened as I heard Him say, “I could care less how many things you accomplish in one day to try and impress me. You can’t impress or unimpress me, I know what your day looks like before your eyes even open. Neither am I ashamed of how much time you spend with me. I’m not asking you to put me first on your priority list, I just want you to need to put me first cause I have so much I want to give you! Don’t feel shame cause I’m not confined to your check list. I’m in your every moment, just learn to recognize me. I love it when you read my Word, but I am the Word! I love it when you worship me, but every morning you wake up your life is a worship story. Experience me and my love, my grace, and my life in every moment, and give my love, my grace and my life away to everyone you meet. I love you Josh.”
Then He brought me to Luke 15. All three parables have to do with something that is lost or has run away. Jesus revealed to me that I am not meant to relate to any individual within the story but that if He even loves the lost sheep, the lost coin, or the son who squandered everything, oh how happy and filled with joy He is when I start to recognize Him and become more like Him in the moments that used to be above Him on my checklist.
God isn’t confined to my priorities, He is in my every moment, and He loves everything about me and wants me to love all that I am. My God created me with purpose and loves every moment I spend with Him, and loves that each day I learn to glorify Him more and know Him more. I’m learning to put Him first in my life by tearing down the narrative I have been confined to for 21 years and redefining what a relationship with Jesus looks like. Jesus is so exciting friends! I can’t believe I get to wake up everyday and be loved and romanced by Him and walk into new change and growth in every moment. Yay!
To God be the glory!
