The Trust Issue

I’m not a very task oriented person. If you’ve ever met me then you know I struggle with completing tasks on time, finishing assignments, even being on time to places. I never knew why this was, I just always struggled with deadlines and respecting what others asked me to have completed. Struggling with it wasn’t just the issue, there was an anger and annoyance towards anyone who expected proficiency from me with something I wasn’t obviously proficient at. Where did this come from?

 

Digging into our past and the places we have failed and currently fail isn’t comfortable for any human being. However, it’s the only way for us to find the root of the problem, yank it out, and replace it with something new. I’m not a task oriented person, I probably never will be and that is totally okay, but I can make changes towards where I am responsible. Not being task oriented is not the problem, being irresponsible is.

 

So why do I have a tendency to be irresponsible with responsibilities given to me? I fail to see where and how the assignment is going to help me. I failed to see why I needed to complete my homework in high school if it wasn’t going to help me in my future. I fail to be present. My mind is strictly set on the future and the only thing that matters to me is getting there. Whatever happens in the present is completely irrelevant to me, so I’m just going to go through the motions till I’m there. Then what happens? I repeat again. What is in the present is never good enough for me. And I’ve struggled with this over and over again asking God, “Why can’t things move faster, why am I constantly stuck in a river made of sludge?!

 

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you, God.”

“No Joshy, do you trust me?”

“Well I’m here in Georgia ain’t I?”

“No you’re not here. You’re five years in the future dreaming dreams that aren’t dreams that I’ve dreamt for you. My dreams for you are far greater than anything you could ever imagine. So I ask you again, Do You Trust Me?”

“…yes God, I trust you.”

“Good, then fix your eyes on the present. If you continue to look to the future, you’re going to miss what I’m showing you now.”

 

The root of my problem is a trust issue. I fail to trust the plan God has for me now, because now isn’t always fun. The future seems fun, the future always seems better. Up until a week ago I was really struggling with stress and feeling that nothing about the future was being done. I wanted to control my problems, I wanted to control the outcome of the future. It wasn’t looking like I wanted it to look like and the present wasn’t doing anything to help that.

 

Then God started giving me things, things to trust Him more. He brought me the book ‘Ruthless Trust’ by Brennan Manning, “The challenge to actually trust God forced me to deconstruct what I had spent my life constructing, to stop clutching what I was so afraid of losing, to question my personal investment in every word I had ever written or spoken about Jesus Christ and fearlessly to ask myself if I trusted him.” It taught me that, “Trust is the preeminent expression of love.”

 

God has been bringing me into a season of telling me that I am an evangelist and that He wants me to radically, bravely, and unashamedly share the gospel with everyone. This presents a lot of fear, but He brought me the documentaries, ‘Father of Lights, Holy Ghost, Holy Ghost Reborn.’ He brought me speakers, prophetic words and prayers from friends and is teaching me to trust Holy Spirit and to trust that I have the power of God in me to bring Holy Spirit to the darkest places in this world to pray, to heal, to see miracles happen!

 

You will not see me not trusting the Lord anymore, you will only see my every step trusting that the Lord is guiding it. I don’t want to live a life in fear, fearing that my plans won’t happen, fearing what others think about my God. He has brought me to where I am now, and I trust that He’ll take me to each perfect place next. There is no question about it, my God is radically in love with me, and will never stop relentlessly pursuing me. I trust you Abba.

 

“Look among the nations, and see;

wonder and be astounded.

For I am doing a work in your days

that you would not believe if told.”

-Habbakuk 1:5

 

Fundraising and Support needs:

Friends, and family, I’m in need for financial support. In Wisconsin I was working my way towards $1000 a month and I reached about $600 of that. Since moving to Georgia I have lost about $450 in support monthly because of my supporters not transferring their support to Adventures in Missions. To reach my goal of $1000 a month and eventually more, I’d love if you and your family could pray if partnering with me financially in building God’s Kingdom is a place He is calling you to in this next month. For financial partners not having switched their funds yet, you can restart your monthly donations right now on this blog. At the top left hand side of the screen there is a ‘Donate!’ link in red lettering that will take you directly to where you can donate! For those who are moved right now to support me or who need to spend time in prayer you can revisit this blog and do the same! Thank you all so much for your prayers and support!

I need to have at least $1500 more in one-time/monthly support by September or I can’t continue on in CGA here in Georgia.